“The Final Analysis
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; …Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; …Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; …Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; …Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; …Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; …Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; …Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; …Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.”
So, I am writing this post on Wednesday, February 16th. The post preceding this one was written on November 10th. I was reporting about my last evening with Hailee before sending her to the man in Tennessee. You can see in the photo her beautiful glossy healthy coat, her trimmed muzzle, her clipped bridle path, her trimmed mane. You can see her wearing her new coat, another new blanket and a new halter waiting for her outside her stall to go with her on her trip. In reality, as I was writing that post about my love for Hailee, she was well within two weeks of ending up dumped at an auction, having been stripped of her belongings.
So, I am writing each day this week in response. I'm writing about my feelings, lessons and thoughts now, as compared to how I felt then. In a few months, you will be reading posts about where G*d sent Hailee and how he protected her.
Anyway, I still have a hard time understanding why that man didn't just simply call me. I don't understand why he kept her belongings. I don't understand why he didn't just sell her back to me. I don't understand very much about why he decided to be so cruel to that lovely mare. I doubt I will ever understand what personal failings in his life led him to be so cruel to her.
I am so grateful that Hailee's owner wrote to me right away. And I am so grateful that my parents were with me when that letter arrived and over the days, as I confronted what I'd done to Hailee. I'm grateful to the kind woman who owns the place where I currently board, for her help, her practical real stone cold help, and her kind loving words, as I just was shocked in those days.
And I don't understand why the person who set up this arrangement never came to see me, never spoke to me directly, never tried to retrieve her blankets, nor never wanted to speak with me about where she ended up. Again, I doubt I will ever completely understand what would drive him to say that he would never take Hailee anywhere that wasn't as good or better than her current situation and then completely refuse to speak about her after she needed rescue.
I'm a hard-headed woman, I know. And I know I'm not worthy of the protection and unfailing unstinting love and miracles G*d has performed in my life. Had Hailee disappeared forever in that auction, my life would be considerably diminished. I would be stunted and harmed. But she was protected by a kind family. And the love I wrote about in the message preceding this one kept strong and held.
Anyway, you'll note above that I've put in an extended quote. I don't know who did the adaptation, but it's a reworking of Mother Theresa's observations on St. Francis. Sure wish I were more like St. Francis -- he was a joyful radical who gave up all his wealth and comfort to work with the poor -- and, of course, he was beloved by critters. I have very much to work on the ideas in that quote because I am a hard-headed woman. I am not a very kind one and don't have much forgiveness in my heart.
So, here are some lessons so far:
From the physician, I learned that when you give a priceless gift to a foolish careless person, you can expect that they will throw it away because they perceive it as worthless.
From the person who praised himself widely for arranging the transfer and then wouldn't speak with me after the auction, I learned that if you've picked up a freezing snake and put it under your coat, you can expect that the warmed snake will bite and kill you.
And from myself, I am learning the pain of that ancient Chinese proverb: If you cannot forgive, you dig two graves -- one for the person who harmed you and one for yourself.
Please help me to be an instrument of peace and love. Please help me to be a safety net for Hailee -- I hope she finds purpose and happiness by performing useful jobs for her new family. Or please send her home to me, if not. And please please help me to forgive everyone who was a party to this terrible thing.
I've got a long long way to go, but please help me learn how to be an instrument of peace, leave and comfort.